Eliza Woodrow is enjoying the breakfast porridge made by Yasmeen Metcalfe, emptying her bowl like Goldilocks. The Story Of The Three Bears was adapted from a fairy tale in 1837 by the poet Robert Southey and Coronation Street’s resident intellectual Ken Barlow has also penned a few lines of verse in his time. Ken is currently working on the amateur dramatics production and he’s worried the prosthetic ears Brian Packham plans to wear for his role will make him look like Star Trek’s Mr Spock. Ken also gives Mary Taylor a thespian pep talk when she admits she’s struggling to inhabit her character, advising her to channel screen sirens like Barbara Stanwyck, Rita Hayworth and Joan Crawford. In all honesty, Mary might be better suited to a role in a Carry On adaptation because she’s dropping accidental double entendres all over the place, including: ‘Do you really think I’ve got the chops to bring off Joan Crawford?’
Spider Nugent’s newfound political leanings shock Toyah Habeeb, who compares him to an alien changeling from Invasion Of The Bodysnatchers. Talking of transformations, Brian thinks his fake ears make him look like Dumbo. Mary is ringing the changes too, announcing that she just lunched with Mildred Pierce, a character played by Joan Crawford in the 1945 film of the same name. Mary is so immersed in her role now, there’s madness in her Method.
Griff Reynolds is nursing his pint so carefully at The Rovers, Jenny Connor dubs him Florence Nightingale. Back at the rehearsal rooms, the only nursing Brian is doing involves his grudge against Mary’s acting style. She’s being so over the top he half expects her to break into a cry of ‘Gordon’s alive!’ like Brian Blessed in Flash Gordon. Director Nigel Kipling fears he might need to replace Mary with an exceedingly good actress he saw in Henrik Ibsen’s Hedda Gabler and The Glass Menagerie by Tennessee Williams. From criminal acting to criminal behaviour, as Harvey Gaskell opens up a little to Sam Blakeman at the prison. Harvey says he and his brother had a love-hate relationship: ‘Like the Gallagher brothers, except better looking.’ But the career-crim doesn’t react well to Sam delving into his past. Don’t look back in anger, Harvey.
Nigel rails against the idea of his alternative choice of actress giving Mary lessons. He feels that would be like asking Lewis Hamilton to be a driving instructor when he could just drive the vehicle himself. Brian and Ken show solidarity with Mary, threatening to quit if she gets binned from the play. ‘Look upon it as an “I’m Spartacus” moment,‘ says Ken. With the threat of another strike, Corrie is SO on-trend for Winter 2022/23.
Coronation Street episode 10801/02. Originally aired 23rd Nov 2022.
