Shipwrights Brian Packham and George Shuttleworth are discussing Lord Sandwich. That was the moniker given to HMS Endeavour when it was renamed in 1776. In those dim and distant days before online polls, calling the vessel Boaty McBoatface wasn’t an option.
At Roy’s Rolls, Audrey Roberts learns about her son Stephen Reid’s plan to get married in Las Vegas. ‘When did you become a fan of Elvis?’ she asks him. ‘I was caught in a trap, I couldn’t walk out,’ jokes Stephen, paraphrasing the song Suspicious Minds and doing a lame Presley impression that wouldn’t even pass muster on ITV talent show Starstruck. Where Stephen is concerned, having a suspicious mind is a prerequisite. Unfortunately, his fiancé Elaine Jones is starstruck by the Canuck charmer. Excitedly, she says the way everyone disapproves of their relationship paints them as a pair of naughty teenagers, like Romeo and Juliet. ‘For never was there a story of more woe, than this of Juliet and her Romeo,’ quotes Stephen, sticking in a non-Shakespearean ‘there’ and intoning it in a theatrical English accent for good measure. For Measure.
Dee-Dee Bailey backs up Paul Foreman’s lies by telling Billy Mayhew they’re going to the cinema. When Billy asks what they’re seeing, Dee-Dee says her preference would be a courtroom drama, but it’s Paul’s turn to choose. In that case, says Billy, it’s going to be an action movie with gangsters and car chases. Without realising, Billy has pretty much summed up Paul’s life at the moment. At The Rovers, Elaine is having a heart-to-heart chat with Audrey Roberts about her son Stephen. Audrey mentions the fatted calf, referencing the New Testament’s Parable Of The Prodigal Son.
Adam and Sarah Barlow are quarrelling as the lawyer celebrates his 35th birthday. He’s unhappy because she’s been stirring up opposition to the Bistro’s late-licence application and she’s unhappy about his friendship with Damon Hay, ‘It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to,’ says Adam, reciting the chorus from the 1963 song by Lesley Gore. Switching from lawyers to judges, when Paul refuses to tell Dee-Dee who got him involved in his recent criminal activities, she says: ‘I’m not Judge Judy. You don’t get to plead the Fifth with this.’ If she were Judge Judy, she could have deployed one of the TV court adjudicator’s most famous lines: ‘If you don’t tell me the truth, you’re gonna be eating your shoes.’
Modelling-obsessed George is driving Todd Grimshaw to distraction with his childhood Airfix reminiscences. Those distractions include wondering what Harry Styles wears when he puts his bins out. Back at the Bistro, Nick Tilsley is also annoyed about the complaints to the council and he reckons Maria Connor has ‘gone to the dark side’ like Darth Vader. Nick, if you’ve been reading Corrie Culture you would know Maria is actually a Star Trek fan.
Paul gets back earlier than expected to find Billy and Summer Spellman celebrating her new job. ‘It was your Spidey senses, wasn’t it?’ says Summer. ‘You could tell we’d be celebrating.’ Paul may not actually have arachnid-based powers, but he is good at spinning lies. Billy and Summer are planning to visit a show organised by Glenda Shuttleworth, but Paul prefers a quiet evening at home watching Hugh Jackman in The Greatest Showman. Later, Paul sees Damon and tells him he wants £25,000 in hush money. ‘Or I sing like Hugh Jackman,’ he says. As fans of the musical will appreciate, Paul is walking a very dangerous Tightrope.
Coronation Street episode 10944/45. Originally aired 3rd May 2023.
