As the cogs of justice turn slowly, Daniel Osbourne struggles with being investigated by the police over Lauren Bolton’s disappearance. His charitable intentions have been misconstrued, which leads his dad Ken Barlow to observe with a weary sigh that ‘no good deed goes unpunished’. Well-read Ken probably knows the proverb is widely attributed to Oscar Wilde, although its true origins can be traced back to the Medieval era. At Roy’s Rolls, there’s an echo of the much-missed Sausage Sandwich Game. It was a mainstay of Danny Baker’s Radio 5 Live show for many years, and Nina Lucas briefly revives it when she asks a customer if he wants red or brown sauce on his meal.
Joseph Brown’s head has been turned by talk of him going to prestigious Oakhill School. However, Gemma Winter-Brown is against the idea. Disparagingly, she imagines a scene where a newly swank Joseph will start inviting school pals with names like Little Lord Fauntleroy and The Honourable Digby back for tea and a sleepover. But will the poshos want red sauce, brown sauce or no sauce at all on their sausage sandwiches? There’s opposition to an idea at Speed Daal, too. Eliza Woodrow is learning German, as part of her plan to go and live with her dad Dom Everett in Hamburg. But her grandfather Stu Carpenter wants her to remain in Weatherfield. Stu says ‘Auf wiedersehen, pet’ when Eliza sets off for school, which is a nice tip of the hard hat to the classic TV show about British construction workers in Düsseldorf.
Amy Barlow is making a big effort to cheer up her dad Steve McDonald. He’s still feeling the emotional impact of the split from Tracy, so he welcomes Amy’s suggestion of a film night. She even lets him choose what to watch, only hesitating a little when he plumps for the 1991 action fest Point Break. It’s another example of a good deed not going unpunished, with Amy’s kindness meaning she has to sit through a terrible film. ‘Coolio Iglesias,’ says a grateful Steve, sounding like someone who’s taking part in the Answer Smash round on Richard Osman’s House Of Games. There are more game show shenanigans when an angry Daniel confronts Max Turner on the cobbles. He doesn’t understand why Max told the police they should question him about Lauren. ‘Say what you see,’ says Max, deploying the Catchphrase catchphrase to explain that Daniel’s suspicious behaviour was worthy of reporting. That’s a bit rich coming from Max. Not so long ago, people would see him and say ‘racist idiot’.
Stu has had second thoughts about Eliza relocating to Germany. He’s squared it with Dom for her to visit Hamburg. Eliza says she can’t wait to see the city’s chocolate museum, Chocoversum. Hamburg is Germany’s chocolate capital, so it’s the perfect place to be at Easter. Meanwhile, Roy Cropper’s circumstances are far from perfect. The great minds at Weatherfield police station have decided he’s the prime suspect in Lauren’s disappearance, which goes quite a long way in explaining why UK crime rates are out of control. ‘This too shall pass,’ says the innocent cafe owner, finding solace in words of wisdom most famously associated with Old Testament monarch King Solomon.
Coronation Street episode 11214/11215. Originally aired 15th March 2024.
