Ryan Connor finishes his morning run and encounters Peter Barlow, who calls him Forrest Gump. Ryan keeps getting demanding messages from a fan of his online sex work. Run, Ryan, run. Meanwhile, Todd Grimshaw continues to make digs about Lee, George Shuttleworth’s new employee. Having previously called him a zombie, Todd names him ‘Lurch’ after the giant, rarely speaking butler in The Addams Family. The character played the harpsichord, which will be very handy for funerals if Lee possesses the same talent. Lee’s surname hasn’t yet been revealed, but there’s a fair chance it’ll be monosyllabic like his first name and him..
Speaking of digs, Michael Bailey and Izzy Armstrong are chatting at Underworld about the recently unearthed body. Stephen Reid wanders by, in high spirits because of his new relationship with Jenny (Connor, not Forrest Gump’s sweetheart Jenny Curran), and attempts a David Attenborough impression as he comments on ‘two workers in their natural habitat, sitting around, drinking coffee and chatting’. However, serial killer Stephen’s good mood melts away like the polar ice caps when he hears about the body. If life is like a box of chocolates, he looks like someone who just ate a Milk Tray Lime Barrel.
At Roy’s Rolls, Paul Foreman and Billy Mayhew are discussing Shelly Rossington’s funeral arrangements with George Shuttleworth. Billy says so many people request Angels by Robbie Williams for their service, he’ll be happy if he never hears it again. The 1997 song is also a jukebox favourite at The Rovers, where Glenda Shuttleworth is trying to work out why Daisy Midgeley is mooching about in the pub on her day off. ‘The world’s your oyster,’ Glenda tells her. The phrase has its origins in Shakespeare’s comedy The Merry Wives Of Windsor. Daisy recalls how she ate oysters when she was 17, and got so sick she felt like she was ‘throwing up out me eyeballs’. No one had a similar experience in the 1602 play, but Shakespeare may well have appreciated the vividness of her brutal imagery.
There’s more funeral chat between Billy and Paul at Roy’s Rolls. Billy asks if Paul has ever listened to Kathy Burke’s podcast Where There’s A Will There’s A Wake, where guests plan their perfect send-off. An eavesdropping Alex Warner chips in that he would opt for a Mexican wrestler’s funeral. He’d like to depart for the next world dressed like WWE showman Rey Mysterio, who’s known for his colourful masks and outfits.
Different location, different topic, same level of morbidity. At The Rovers, fingers are pointed at Stephen as the dead body is revealed to be Leo Thompkins. Stephen is called in for questioning by the police and a delighted Tim Metcalfe sings Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye as he’s led away. The song was a US chart topper for Steam in 1969, but perhaps the best-known version is Bananarama’s 1983 cover.
Todd continues to refer to Lee as Lurch, quoting the Addams Family character’s ‘You rang?’ catchphrase when George mentions him. He also chucks in a bonus comparison with the supernatural creature Slender Man. Todd is triumphant when George has a slip of the tongue and uses the Lurch nickname. There’s a decision to be made at 19a Rosamund Street. Billy and Paul need to choose between watching Sister Act 1 or 2. Next year, the decision process will be even harder because Sister Act 3 is due for release. Paul plumps for Sister Act 2: Back In The Habit because of the presence of Lauryn Hill.
Being quizzed by the police has unsettled Stephen. It’s a cliche that the perpetrator always returns to the scene of the crime, and Stephen does exactly that. He pokes around with a stick at the spot in the canal where he dumped Teddy Thompkins’ body, not realising Tim is watching him from the bushes. When Tim’s mobile sounds its Birdie Song ringtone, the murderous Canuck scuttles off into the darkness. Run, Stephen, run.
Coronation Street episode 11065/11066. Originally aired 20th Sept 2023.
