The blossoming love between Hope Stape and Sam Blakemore puts Sean Tully in mind of his own schoolboy crushes. A girl called Kerry Berry stirred the young Sean’s affections, until puberty arrived and Eighties singer Terence Trent D’Arby became the name he wanted signed across his heart. Sean is queueing up outside Underworld, waiting to start work, and he greets Stephen Reid with a cheery recitation of Good Morning from Singin’ In The Rain. When Stephen mentions the magic word ‘bonuses’, Sally Metcalfe is equally chipper. ‘I’m starting to think we should have put Gordon Gekko in charge yonks ago,’ she says, comparing Stephen to the manipulative financier from Eighties venality bingefest Wall Street.
Roy Cropper is playing online chess with someone in Hawaii and he’s taken aback when his international opponent has the temerity to use the Bogo-Indian defence. Meanwhile, at the nearby bistro Nick Tilsley is showing Ryan Connor the final surviving jar of olives from a job lot accidentally ordered by Gail Rodwell several years ago. He calls it the ‘olive army’, which may or may not be a punning reference to Elvis Costello’s 1979 single Oliver’s Army. Costello’s fellow singer Glenda Shuttleworth is putting the feelers out about landing a gig at Daisy Midgeley’s wedding reception, but Daisy scathingly dismisses the notion of ‘a Pound Shop Jane McDonald murdering the hits of yesteryear’. Actress Jodie Prenger, who plays Glenda, may have won the BBC talent show I’d Do Anything, but performing on Daisy’s big day appears to be one thing she won’t be doing. Back at the cafe, Roy marvels to Billy Mayhew about how it’s possible to have a chess game with someone thousands of miles away. Billy admits chess is well beyond his purview because he even gets blitzed when he plays Battleships with Summer Spellman.
Oliver’s Army was Elvis Costello’s most successful single and Costello-lookalike Rufus Donahue almost gets his biggest-ever hit when Stephen comes close to walloping him over the head with a hole punch. Speaking of musical success, Glenda is singing My Heart Goes On by Celine Dion behind the bar at The Rovers. She’s behaving like a contestant on The Voice, hoping judge Daisy will spin round and sign her up for her wedding-day team. Glenda follows up with brief bursts of I’ve Got The Music In Me by The Kiki Dee Band and Hopelessly Devoted To You by Olivia Newton-John, but the only buttons getting pushed are the ones that raise Daisy’s annoyance levels. Paul Foreman and Billy don’t help matters by goading the human jukebox into doing a bit of Shirley Bassey. The resulting extract from Big Spender is swiftly terminated by Daisy’s shout of ‘Enough!’
Daisy’s message fails to get through and she’s treated to Glenda’s cover versions of Good Times by Chic and Chirpy Chirpy, Cheep Cheep by Middle Of The Road. Then Peter Barlow comes in and says: ‘Orange juice, please.’ Thankfully, Glenda doesn’t use this as an excuse to launch into Rip It Up by the Glaswegian jangle pop legends. Instead, we get a spirited stab at Mexican folk song La Bamba. Landlady Jenny Connor’s patience is exhausted. ‘It’s like being trapped in a lift with Lulu,’ she complains. When Ryan Connor arrives, Daisy sees a light at the end of the elevator shaft and pretends the DJ has agreed to man the decks at her wedding. ‘Well, don’t come crying to me when the guests start complaining the music is all grunge, techno and garage-drill,’ says a dejected Glenda, before exiting in high dudgeon.
Sarah Barlow arranges a secret meet-up with Damon Hay to make sure he keeps quiet about them sharing a bottle of champagne in her hotel room. Damon is amused by the enormous coincidence of her turning out to be the sister of his business partner/adversary Nick and the wife of his lawyer Adam. ‘It’s a small world, but you wouldn’t want to Hoover it,’ he says, attributing the quote to his nan. Artfulness must be pan-generational within the Hay clan because Damon’s gran nicked her joke from Stephen Wright, the deadpan, nonsequitous American stand-up.
Coronation Street episode 10906/07. Originally aired 20th March 2023.
